Extraordinary Grace: 20 Years of Marriage

I am an ordinary man resting under an extraordinary grace. 

I sit writing this on the eve of celebrating 20 years of marriage to quite simply the most beautiful woman I have ever known.  I say this, not as some silly, over romanticized sentiment, but as an absolute, chiseled in granite truth that I have come to experience and know.

Cynthia is beautiful in every way that a man hopes to find beauty.  In a very indulgent and perhaps self-serving way I want to share some ways I see her beauty much more clearly than I did 20 years ago when she took my breath away as she walked down the aisle to become my wife.  These are in no particular order and I was not real concerned about grammar, after all I am in love and when one is in love grammar matters little. This may or may not make sense to anyone but me.  But sometimes you just need to praise what you love publically

Here’s how I’ve seen Cynthia’s beauty unfold like a flower over the past 20 years:

Her eyes are deep pools of calm in my world, which sometimes seems to rage with all the force of a category 5 hurricane.

Her hair is as fine silk, even now streaked with gray that speaks not so much of age as it does a wisdom beyond her years.

A single kiss from her lips can still disorient me and cause me to take leave of my senses

A single touch of her hand can bring comfort and instill a strength in me like nothing else can.

In her face I see the reflection of the four most amazing children I have ever known.  I might add that all that is good in them is clearly from her and well, the bad traits can easily be traced to me.

In her tears I see the heart of mercy and compassion that often causes her to go without so others can have.

She has a way of seeing the best in people and hanging on to the hope that God can redeem even the vilest among us.

Her laugh is strong and flowing like a river bringing life to a desert.

I see her beauty in the fact that she almost never has a day off. She manages our house, makes 98% of the meals, cleans, home schools our 4 kids, and serves as chauffeur to every form of soccer/football/tennis/karate practice that the fantastic 4 are involved in.  She truly has the stamina of a super hero.

She always (and I mean every time) honors her commitments.  I have never once in 20 years seen her fail to keep her word to anyone.

She values truth more than anyone I have ever met.  She is the most honest person I know.

She loves our children with all the ferocious tenderness of a mother grizzly bear (trust me that’s a compliment).

She’s a good dancer.

She’s a great kisser.

She gives the greatest hugs ever.

She falls asleep during 80% of the movies we watch together. But I don’t mind because she’s a good snuggler.

All of these things make her beautiful to me. But the thing I find the most beautiful is that she loves ME.  The strongest chords of her beauty wrap themselves around a man who is more flawed than he was 20 years ago. Yet, she refuses to quit on me and somehow manages to love me even more with each day that has rolled by into 2 decades of truth and beauty.

God truly is the giver of all good things.  The greatest gift he has ever given me (outside of saving me) is the gift of a girl of whom I can say there is :

None more precious

None more captivating

None more exciting

None more breathtaking

None more beautiful

Cynthia…thanks for walking down that aisle 20 years ago.  I love you. 

1,062 Stairs

While everyday is a gift, there are some days that are spectacular. I had one of those days today and wanted to share 5 observations with you and encourage you to take a day off and spend it with your kids. One of the advantages of homeschooling is that on my day off we can take impromptu field trips. Today I took the kids to Tullulah Gorge State Park and was reminded of the following:

1. God is amazingly creative and has a flair for the dramatic. Tullulah Gorge is almost two miles long and nearly 1000 feet deep. As we stood at the bottom looking up I felt a sense of smallness (the kind you feel when you are in the presence of greatness). From the North rim of the gorge we were mesmerized by about 9 vultures who were gliding through the canyon. They are quite magnificent birds when they swoop past you at eye level.

2. Children are born with an innate sense of wonder. My kids are amazed by things that I take for granted. Levi was amazed today that a tree could grow "out of the side of a mountain". I'm not sure what happens to us as adults but one of the saddest things about us is that most of us have lost that sense of awe.

3. It's fun to spend time with your kids. There's not a better sound in the world than your children's laughter. The only thing that rivaled the sound of thousands of gallons of water crashing over a fall was the laughter of my four children as they soaked in the surroundings. One small treat was seeing Elijah hold his sister Abby's hand as they walked down the trail (and I didn't even ask him to do it).

4. Your kids want to spend time with you. No matter what you think or may have read from some alleged "expert" on children, your kids really do want to be with you. Every child has a deep sense to know that they are valued by their parents. One of the ways you can do that is to spend some time with them.

5. 1,062 stairs makes you realize you are only human. There are 1,062 stairs from the top of the north rim to the floor of Tullulah Gorge. Traveling down those stairs is not so difficult but the climb back up is a great reminder. The sweat pouring off of you and the pounding of your heart as you ascend what looks like a never ending staircase remind you that you are not going to live forever. It is in these moments that I find myself the most thankful for moments like today.

There is a day out there in the not too distant future when I will stand face to face with the One who carved Tullulah Gorge into the face of this rock we call earth. I will see the One who gave vultures their magnificent wings. I will finally lay eyes on the God who has richly blessed my life with such remarkable beauty and surrounded me with a beautiful wife and four amazing children who, on days like today, take my breath away. I want to encourage you to take a day off and spend it with your kids it might just take your breath away.

Daddy Dates: or Chick-fil-A, Stuffed Puppies, & Pretty Flowers

As a father to a daughter I think one of the most important things a dad can do is date his daughter. There are a few reasons why this is an important practice and I want to share some of them with you.

First, I want my daughter to know how a man is supposed to treat her. If I don't show her, some other guy will. Secondly, I get to build trust. Every dad wants his children to trust him, not just when they are 5 but when their 15 as well. When I give her undivided attention she knows I care, and that builds trust. Lastly, I get to enjoy her and learn about the things she loves.

I took my 5 year old daughter, Abby on our Valentine date today. As usual we laughed a lot and she was fantastic company. I took her to her favorite restaurant, Chick-fil-A (thankfully her tastes are not too expensive yet). We sat and talked about school and her favorite colors, which I now know are "green, blue, pink and all the colors of the world". Then we went to Wal-Mart so she could pick out a stuffed puppy. For the record if you want Abby to know you care--buy the girl a stuffed puppy. Then I surprised her and bought her some flowers. I also bought her mom flowers (but that's another post).

My fellow dads, let me say this to you: you MUST take your daughters on dates! As a college pastor I cannot tell you the number of young women I meet who are trying to find love in the arms of some 20 year old sack of hormones that doesn't care anything about her. Many of the young women my wife and I work with don't have any idea what to look for in a man. Hey dad IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to make sure your little girl knows what a real man looks like. If you don't want your little girl to end up in a horrible relationship or several, you better make time to show them that they are loved and valuable. That's right-- you need to SHOW them you love them, not just tell them you love them.

You want your little girl to know that a young man should serve her, not treat her as a trophy to be conquered. One way you can do that is to take her on dates. Get dressed up and pick her up at the front door. Tell her she looks beautiful. Open the car door for her. Take her to her favorite restaurant and let her order whatever she wants. Listen to her and learn what she likes and dislikes. Laugh at her jokes. Buy her flowers or a stuffed puppy (or both). Let her know that you are praying for her and that you love her mother.

I have high expectations for the young man that is going to marry my daughter. And I'm going to date her so she will not only know those expectations but also see them modeled by her father. I'm not naive enough to think that dating Abby is going to keep her from experiencing heartbreak, but it's not going to hurt and there's nothing like hearing, "Daddy I love you!"

Tender Warrior

This semester I am leading several guys through a study of the book "Tender Warrior" by Stu Webber. The book presents a biblical picture of manhood through what Weber calls 4 "pillars"; king, warrior, mentor, friend. I would ask that you would pray for the young men i You can find more info on the book here or here .